Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Been Such a Long Time

It hs been a long time for me to have blog and I almost forgot my password. I received in the mail today "preparing for your radioiodine scan and possible treatment", I was not prepared. I thought it was a typical test, not this major, I have to be isolated thing. Well, let me back up. I am hypothyroid and have had a multitude of health issues and I am sick of it. Right now I am tired, but I want to get something written now.

I have been placed on a non-iodine diet, which for my rawness is fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds. So tomorrow as to not be tempted, I will begin my juice feast. I have signed up on the juice feast website for 90 days, and will be using that as my guide. I like the idea that I will keep my calories up to a level where my body does not starve.

Well this is going to be short, because I just don't have a lot to share. Howdy Ho!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

If this world were mine

I went to work today after being off for awhile. I have been hypothyroid for over 25 years and this past year I have struggled so much with this. I have been in a bad place and I was really afraid of dying last year.

I don't even know how to explain what I was feeling. I had finally made up my mind that I wanted to experience so much more than I have - after all, isn't 50 the new 40? I want to hike, scuba dive, be on television, get a golden globe for the best new t.v. show, have a radio show on XM, meet Oprah, write a New York Best Seller, walk the Avon Walk, run in the Richmond Marathon, have long hair and it not be a weave, but if it is a weave make sure it is a great one, wear a size 12 skirt, wear sexy high heels, go on a cruise, make director in YTB, make a million and more, travel to the caribbean with Pete and sleep on the beach; get promoted; clean out the garage, finish the basement, expand the kitchen, teach raw classes all over the US. Have Tyra Banks ask me how I did it; get my teeth fixed that they are so pretty, I smile all the time, go to Europe and Africa, preach all over the U.S. and the Island and even in Africa. And that is just want I want to before July.

If this world were mine, I would do those things and more. I have to ask why some folks are more successful than others, and what are the missing ingredients - I am seeking answers to many questions, and willing to seek so much more. I laid here tonight and relized that if I wanted to run, I would have to start. I imagined myself beginning with my road here, which is 1/4 mile. Why not!!! I also have the elliptical to bring up my endurance - so I begin again because this world is mine.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Step into my world!

Welcome to my world! I need to make some changes, so I am now creating an independent blog. This will be my journey to wholeness. I am recovering from the flu, hypothroidism and bad habits.

This year - 2008- I want to lose all the extra weight I am carrying around. My self imagineis at zero, my hair is gross, my skin is dry and face it, I am not feeling attractive, or even cute! Are they one in the same - I suppose so. I haven't felt good for years and it is time for a change - new beginnings and all.

Right now my attitude is not reflect of the God that I serve - and that too has to change. I can ask for anything of my heavenly father, and yet, here I am saying what I have. Time for a change.

Well, my plan is to be free of this - my first goal is 40 pounds -That will put me at 250 - actually I bit under, but that is what I am shooting for - a weigh in at 250. Why is that so important, because I have not seen that in years and it is time for a change. What will that do for me- end the diabetes, the hypertension, the high cholesterol and savings of 200 dollars a month. Will we see the savings? I will need to see and go from there.

That is the other part of this journey - how will I be of better service to God. I want my life to be a testamony to the God I serve. God is always so good and true to the word and yet, my doubts come in and then I act contrary to what the word says.

Hey, I will discuss my daily meditations as well. This will be a good space for me - now let me be true to me and accountable to God.

Tonight, I am watching "Queen Sized" - even as an adult, I still deal with being fat. I believe if I were single, I would have had gastric bypass - I just know I would have. Why not now? Let me ponder - well what would my husband say, what would my children say - and I too far gone, that the surgery may kill me - do I not want to be considered weak minded. Hey this is my blog - and I might as well just be honest. Will I receive comments for or against - probably - but I am used to negatives - should I be accepting of this, or how can I change it.

Am I willing to be a role model for someone else? Am I already? I have been called a king and queen maker. I am a really good friend and will support a person to the end, but who supports me? Who supports me? This question has plagued me for years. I ask it, and then I move forward and pick up the baggage and keep going on , and I push the thought back in my heart. So some of this weight is my feelings. WOW - what a revelation.

I will take measurements tomorrow and post a picture - I have not changed much, so I will just go forth and take it one day at a time. I know one of my gifts to me, will be a digital camera. I am taking pictures this year - I am coming out!